Why Prayer Won’t Work To Restore And Improve Your Marriage Unless You Do

Unhappy in my marriage
Unhappy in my marriage

“In the United States, researchers estimate that 40%-50% of all marriages, and 60% of second marriages, will end in divorce or permanent separation.”

Perhaps you too feel trapped in an unhappy and painful marriage and had it not been for your children and the constant struggle with the option of divorce you would have called it quits a long time ago.

So before you succumb to all the reasons why you too should throw your marriage away please know there’s hope.

I get that when things get broken we naturally throw them out and replace them with new more updated versions.

But what if you would take a different stand on your marriage and hand it to God for fixing?

Interestingly, while researchers support divorce, in some circumstances, they suggest that the best option for all would be to repair the relationship and keep the family together.

Why you should stay and repair the relationship

I fully support this option.  Although this was a tough call for me years ago, I’m glad I took the challenge and I believe you can too.  You can rise above the challenges through God’s grace.

I appreciate that divorce is very personal so let me share with you my story which I hope will strengthen you to give your marriage a chance for restoration.

I am going to share with you why it takes more than prayer to get results, and what you’ll need to do to restore and repair your relationship with your spouse.

Years ago I wanted out and although I don’t believe in divorce I wanted to be permanently separated.  I didn’t want to be tied any longer to what we both knew was a dysfunctional marriage.  And being the independent person I am I was determine to leave. No way was I going to continue in this awful energy draining, empty, painful and loveless relationship.

I just wanted out!

So I prayed and waited on the Lord for His confirmation.  But when He answered I didn’t like His response.


God wanted me to stay.

My struggle to obey the Word

I remembered asking with tears streaming down my face,  “Lord, can’t you see how I’m being treated?”

But the Lord remained unrelenting and it took me weeks perhaps months in misery and silence before I finally turned my heart back to God, to listen and obey Him.

Then God reeled me in with His unconditional love and ministered to my broken heart with His soothing messages of grace spoken softly to me every day.  For days He continued to pour in His love on the years of pain I had endured throughout my life.  Christ nursed my broken heart with His Words to complete restoration!

As my heart continued to be transformed and my thoughts shifted I realized I had to start taking responsibility for my actions and love my husband without any conditions attached.

And so, I became committed to restoring my marriage.  I worked with the Lord.

For me praying and waiting passively wasn’t going to cut it, so I got involved.  And while the journey had its share of ups and downs I remained confident with hope every step of the way because I knew I was never alone.

So, if you had prayed and waited and nothing happens, perhaps you should change strategy.

Course there were times when frustration crept in which usually happened when I got off track.   When I got into the habit of complaining, murmuring or engaging in pity parties. There were days when I literally had to speak out loud to myself …”Girl, get over it!”

Yup a large chunk of that is forgiving and walking away.  Without forgiveness it’s impossible to walk victoriously in any relationship, especially one as important as marriage.

Forgiveness is the most powerful weapon of all in ending strife and restoring relationships.  For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. (James 3:16)

And while this may not be easy, at first, this practice is essential.  You must learn to forgive yourself as well as your spouse.  

You might be thinking that it’s your spouse who needs changing.

But here’s the thing, your actions will not only affect your husband in a positive way they are vital in breaking every evil work that come against you and your relationships within your home.

God wants His love to flow through you, into your life and touch others freely.  This love has the power to flow and wash away all debris from your life.

What debris?

I’m talking about the past and present pains, the emotional trauma and the insecurities that can so easily fill your life.

Practicing this principle in your home makes way for restoration and renewed relationship between yourself and spouse.

I know it’s tempting to want to change your spouse.  But let God work on the changing, this is His specialty.

“If ye fulfill the royal law according to the scripture, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself, ye do well.” [James 2:8]

Just know that your changed behavior will help to lift you above the potential bumps down the road.  It will go a far way in preventing destructive arguments in your home and strengthens your commitment to treating every member of your family with dignity and respect.

Furthermore, you will have the disposition, the grace to solve your differences better. And if needs be you may be in a more responsible position to receive or exercise patience with your spouse as you both take this life-changing journey together.

Besides, because you have submitted to the Word of God in your life He will stand with you and fight against every attack of the enemy.

Finally, here are your key takeaways.  Refresh your relationship with God… Receive His love and grace in your life.  Take responsibility for your actions, learn to forgive yourself, your spouse and others in your world and let the love of God flows through you and your life.  This do often and remember it’s a process.

Meanwhile, have fun with God you can do this!

From my heart to yours!

Love always,










  1. Diana Glinton says

    Sis. Karlene you are such a blessing. Please continue to walk in God’s will. He has many more blessings in store for you and your family.

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